Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
