At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
