Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
