The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
