He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
