I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
