she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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