Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she told me i tasted like america
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize