Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
