and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
