i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
