A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
All the doctor said was why
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
