Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize