On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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