I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
