Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
