I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
