Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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