Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
