i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
