Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize