even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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