Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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