did you get engaged???
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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