I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize