im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
