smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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