just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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