some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
how drunk are you?
Several
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
