Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
