I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
