either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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