If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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