my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
