worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
