I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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