Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
