Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
