Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
