it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
