why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
