TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
