i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize