OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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