my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
