dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
