Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
