remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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