So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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