He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
