yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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