I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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