I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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