my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
