ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
