Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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