Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
