i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
