I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
