do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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