omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
