I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
