I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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