forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
