So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
