I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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