Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
