i just google imaged poop.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize