Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
