I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
