So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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