so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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