Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
